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10 tips for a Stress Free Wedding

A girl's wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of her life, so why is it that so many brides walk up the aisle feeling totally stressed out?

The answer could be that organising a major event while  dealing with complex family relationships is enough to drive anyone to distraction.  So here are our top ten tips for obtaining a stress free  wedding.

1. Get organised!  Easy to say but harder to do.  Get a plastic concertina file and keep all your paperwork together, with a notebook to write everything down - you will not remember all the mass of  information that comes your way.  If you do not use a proper diary, then get one for dates, confirmation reminders and phone numbers etc.  Mobile phones are great but they have a nasty habit of getting lost or stolen! A good tip is to use a card index file for the guest list - a conventional list ends up being rewritten a dozen times as it keeps getting into a tatty scribbled-on mess.

2.  Don't have unrealistic expectations.  Everywhere we look these days there are celebrity weddings, costing hundreds of thousands of pounds, organised by teams of professionals and mainly paid for by magazine deals.  Unless you are very wealthy, or marrying a premiership footballer, you must accept that this isn't going to happen to you.  Plan your budget (check out www.the-broke-bride.co.uk for money saving ideas) and try to stick to it.  Remember the celebrity bride probably doesn't know half the people at her wedding and doesn't like most of those she does know! And we all know how long these celebrity marriages last!  Concentrate on making your wedding  a happy occasion, unique and perfect reflection of your personality.

3.  Don't deal with unreliable suppliers.  In my experience people in the wedding industry are incredibly efficient.  They spend their lives dealing with over-wrought brides and demanding mothers.  They have been asked every possible question hundreds of times and could answer them  in their sleep.  So if your supplier struggles to answer simple questions and doesn't seem to be on top of the situation - get out quickly.  And never ring back someone who doesn't return your initial phone call - they either don't want the business or they are not very efficient.  Either way you don't want to know!

4.  Try to accommodate other people. This is tricky - you know exactly the wedding you want but your mother keeps coming up with ideas which would have been naff even in the 1970s. A lot here depends on who is paying! If your parents are stumping up the cash they do have a say in what goes on. Try to compromise.  If the cake she wants isn't too hideous go with that but insist on the flowers you want etc. If the cost is being shared, apportion it so that your parents pay for some things (preferably that they can't make a mess of) and you pay for the things that are important to you. If you are paying for everything, then of course you can have exactly what you want, but in the interests of family harmony, try to take on some of other people's ideas.

5.  Bridesmaids - the fewer the better.  Bridesmaid are supposed to be there to help and support the bride but often they can be a major cause of stress.  Think very carefully before asking people.  There may be obvious candidates such as sisters or very best friends who you could not possibly not ask, but beware of putting yourself in the position of having to ask a group of  friends because one would be upset if they were left out etc. etc. In this case it is often better to ask none of them. Beware the prima donna  bridesmaid who is going to insist that the dress colour must suit her and will want the other bridesmaids to wear high/low heels to make her look taller/smaller.  You know which of your friends this is!

Bridesmaids and pageboys under the age of 5 look so cute but they should come with a government health warning!  If you must have them make sure that their parents give you a cast-iron guarantee that they will be removed from the ceremony immediately if they misbehave.  The last thing you want is a toddler tantrum while you are making your vows!

And never let your mother bully your sister into being a bridesmaid, if she really doesn't want to be!

6.  Have wedding free zones.  Wedding planning is fantastically exciting and totally absorbing, and while your friends will want to be kept updated on progress, another evening of listening to you banging on about whether you should have white or coloured napkins is boring!  So set aside certain evenings or days when the wedding is not mentioned. This is especially  true for time spent with your partner.  Many men take the attitude of "tell me when it is and I will be there" but they can become resentful at being cast as a bit player in your show. Be sure to spend time with them doing all the things you enjoyed doing before you got engaged and don't let your life become totally dominated by the wedding. You will actually feel much better for the break.

7. Learn to meditate.  I know this sounds a bit hippy-ish but if you can adopt a simple ten minute relaxation programme it can really help with pre-wedding nerves.  It may take a while to get used to meditating, so find a class at your local leisure centre or gym (often part of a yoga class) and give it a go.  If there isn't a class available you could always buy a book.  I use a simple technique I read in a woman's magazine years ago, and it really does work for me.

8. Take a spa break.  It is difficult when you have so much to do, and so much else that needs your money, to justify a trip to a spa, but in the run up to your wedding there is nothing like it!  Perhaps your Mum could treat you (or perhaps you could treat your Mum if she has been doing all the work), or maybe you and your friends could go instead of a hen night.

9. Don't expect perfection.  One bride I know lay on her bed on the morning of her wedding an sobbed that the day was ruined - because it was raining! She had arranged every tiny detail over and over again and this has let her down!  So just accept that some little things are bound to go wrong  and don't let them spoil the day.  You will laugh afterwards that the best man had to wear his trainers with his morning suit because he had forgotten his shoes or whatever. As long as the groom turns up everything will be fine.

10.  If all else fails - run away!  Seriously,  if, deep down, you know that the wedding is going to cause more trouble than it is worth, with family feuds and warring in-laws, then slip off with a couple of good friends and tie the knot in a simple ceremony.  So many people have this problem these days that the list of choices is endless.  If a package deal in the sun is not your thing check out www.gro.gov.uk which gives details of Registry Offices throughout the UK with legal requirements etc.  You can always give a big party for the family when you get back.  If your family misbehave then you will know you made the right choice and at least they won't have ruined your big day.